Tokyo 911
by Meguro-ku
Summary: Frontier version of Reno911. Rated M Because of the language. Also Contains: crack, and occ-ness. AU
1. Ears and Shins

_Tokyo, Japan_

_Police Station's Squad Room_

_November 20th_

Officer Minamoto Kouji: *Stares directly into the camera* Why the hell is there a video camera?

Officer Minamoto Kouichi: It's for a documentary, I guess.

Kouji: We're not even that interesting, though..*Doesn't look away from the camera*

Kouichi: Erm..

* * *

"Lieutenant" Kanbara Takuya tapped his finger nails on his podium. "Alright, people. We're being filmed, so let's try not to look like total assholes, okay?" he announces. "We don't need a bad reputation around here." He sends a glare at Kouji who only glares back.

* * *

"Lieutenant" Kanbara Takuya: Sadly, I'm not able to get along with all of my coworkers. I hope to change that, because we need to stick together..and.._Stuff_.

* * *

"Kanbara! The hell do you think you're doing?" Lieutenant Makino Ruki shouts out as soon as she enters the squad room. "Get your ass over there," She points at a chair by Kouji, taking his place at the podium. Takuya pouts, as he does what he's told. Ruki looks down at her podium as she speaks, "We don't need a bad reputation around here! We're being fil-Okay, who the hell messed with my index cards?"

* * *

Officer Kanbara Takuya: *looks away from the camera* ...

* * *

"Alright, we need arrest numbers. Get moving and good luck!" Ruki says, putting down her clipboard onto the podium. "Make sure you look natural in front of the cameras," She reminds. Everybody else in the room grumbles, leaving the squad room. "Ah, Kanbara!" Ruki calls out, stopping him before he left with Kouji. "Stop wearing my short-shorts. You look like a queer." She says bluntly before shooing him off.

* * *

Takuya: Lt. Makino is such a dick.

Kouji: Yeah.

Kouichi: Yup.

Takuya: He looks really girly too, doesn't he?

Kouji: Must be the long hair.

Kouichi: But Kouji, didn't they make you get your hair cut off back at the academy?

Kouji: ..I don't want to talk about it. *Looks away from the camera, sorrowfully*

* * *

_Tokyo, Japan_

_On call - Reports of gun shots_

_November 23rd_

Kouji: God. Damn it.

Takuya: *Sighs* Yeah, man.

Kouji: *Looks at the camera* Every month we get at least one call of some stupid kid shooting off guns.

Takuya: *Looks behind him* Oi, Kouichi. You brought your tazer, right?

Kouichi: Right!

Kouji: *Parks the car next to the sidewalk*

Takuya: *Looks outside the car window* Holy shit, it's him again!

Kouji: Damn it! I hate this fucking kid!

* * *

Kouji's eyes scrunched up together as he slams the car door shut, not pleased that he had to deal with this person again. He walks up to the sidewalk, as does Takuya and Kouichi. The three stares at the nine year old boy who stood in the middle of his yard, who only stared back. "Tomoki, have you been shooting off guns again?" Takuya asks, as sweet as possible.

"No.." Tomoki replies quietly, but loud enough for them to hear.

"Then why do you have a gun in your hand?" Takuya asks again.

"I dunno.." His voice gets quiet.

"Do you mind putting it down for us?"

"We go through the same routine every single time," Kouji says annoyed. He starts moving towards the younger person, and as soon as he stood 10 ft away, Tomoki pointed his gun at him. Kouji raises his hands up, "Well. This is new."

"Tomoki-kun! Don't point the gun at the nice officer!" Takuya yells.

"Why are you being so nice to him?" Kouichi asks calmly. Takuya gives him a small shrug. "Tomoki-kun! Please put down the gun!" He yells out. Kouji slowly starts to back away and towards his fellow policemen. Tomoki lowers his gun once he sees Kouji is back on the sidewalk pavement.

"We need a plan." Kouji demands, crossing his arms.

* * *

Takuya: We've been through things like this before. However, Tomoki is different. If it was a regular grown-ass man, we would've shot him dead by now. If it was some other kid, we could easily get him to surrender. However, Tomoki is more stubborn then the others. And since it's a innocent 9 year old, we have to be much more careful.

* * *

"Taze 'em." Takuya says, earning agreements from the twins. Takuya turns his head towards the boy, who was just standing there looking down at his shoes. "Tomoki, we'll give you one last chance! Put the gun down or you'll be tazed."

Tomoki didn't respond to him.

Takuya starts to slowly walk over to Tomoki, "Tomoki-kun.."

Tomoki raises his gun back up, pointing at Takuya, finger on the trigger. "K-Kouichi.." Takuya says, warningly. "Got it." Kouichi replies, getting his tazer out, Instantly pointing it at Tomoki. "Tell me when." He starts looking at Tomoki hesitatingly, "I'm not sure if I can do t-"

**_BANG!_**

"AHH!"

"Oh my god, Kouichi!" Kouji gasps. Tomoki drops his gun before kicking Takuya.

"OW! OH HOLY SHIT!" He grabs his shin. "Somebody call 911! I think he broke my leg!"

* * *

Kouji and Takuya sat on the sidewalk, watching as the ambulance drivers carry Kouichi out on a stretcher and into the ambulance. Kouji sighs, tears in his eyes. "I hope he'll be okay.."

"One of the drivers gave me a sucker and some ice for my shin." Takuya says unwrapping his candy. Kouji looks at him, not amused. "My brother was just shot, and you still care about your leg?"

"Tomoki-kun could've broken it!"

"My brother might die!"

"Oh plea-!"

Kouji slaps the sucker out of his hand. "Douche." Takuya immediately picks it back up, "5 second rule!" He says, grinning. He stares at it for a second before putting it back in it's wrapper. "I'll saving it for later.."

* * *

_Tokyo, Japan_

_Police Station's Squad Room_

_November 26th_

Kouji: I'm so glad you're okay. *Smiles warmly*

Kouichi: As long as you continue to be here with me, I'll be invincible! *Smiles back*

Takuya: You're a lucky one, ne!

Kouichi: WHAT?

Takuya: Oh yeah, I forgot that it was his left ear that was shot off..

Kouichi: WHAT?

Kouji: Takuya said that you were a lucky one.

Kouichi: I think I've always had been. Kouji, remember that one time I fell down the stairs?

Kouji: Ugh, don't remind me..

Kouichi: And I totally pulled through in that coma! And then there was that time I broke both of my legs..Then a week after that happened I broke my arm..

Kouji: Well, now you're just naming off all the accidents you've had! *laughs*

Kouichi: I'm just glad that I'm alive. *laughs too*

Takuya: I'm pretty lucky too..

Kouichi: WHAT?

Kouji: Really? How?

Takuya: Well for starters, I almost broke my leg.

Kouichi: WHAT?

Kouji: Takuya, a 9 year old kicked you in the shin. Kouichi was shot in the ear, and if he had stand more to the right, he could've been shot in the head!

Takuya: All I want is some pity.

Kouichi: FIFTY? WHAT?

Kouji: Takuya just stand on Kouichi's right!

Takuya: Fine, fine..

Kouichi: WHA-Oh thanks, Takuya.

Kouji: Anyways, back on the original topic..I'm just glad that other policemen in the area showed up.

Takuya: I just feel sorry for Junpei, having to arrest his own son.. *digs in his back pocket*

Kouji: Well it's not like he hasn't done it before..

Takuya: True..*Gets out his sucker*

Kouji: You still have that thing?

Takuya: Well of course. *Unwraps* Anyways, *Looks into the camera* I'm happy that I survived!

Kouichi: ...*Slaps it out of his hand*

Takuya: Oh! Oh! Five second rule!

* * *

Next time on: **Tokyo 911**

Ruki: Hey faggots! Stop talking to the camera for five minutes, I've got some bad news.

* * *

Takuya: Kouichi, how come you always tag along with us? What happened to your own partner?

Kouichi: He 'divorced' me. Now he works alone. Told me I was a bad luck charm..

Kouji: Wonder why he thinks that?

Kouichi: _WHAT?_

Kouji: *Sigh*_  
_

* * *

I hope you enjoyed! Second chapter coming very soon. I'll actually be including a scene from Reno911 in this story one of these days.

R&R!


	2. Suspicion of Prostitution

Welcome to Episode 2..Still have nothing to say. R&R, please and thank you!

As usual, this contains foul language and OOCness. Oh, and crack.

* * *

_Tokyo, Japan_

_Police Station's Squad Room_

_November 26th_

Officer Kanbara Takuya: See? It's okay. 5 second rule.

Officer Minamoto Kouji: You're a moron!

Takuya: You're the biggest asshole I know!

Lieutenant Makino Ruki: Hey faggots! Stop talking to the camera for five minutes, I've got some bad news.

Takuya: I take back what I said.

Ruki: All the jail cells are being cleaned out.

Kouji: Why, sir?

Ruki: Because nobody has cleaned them in years. It's fucking disgusting! Maybe we should keep a better eye on our convicts..*Slaps Takuya's sucker out of his hand*

Takuya: ...

* * *

_Tokyo, Japan_

_Police Station's Squad Room_

_November 27th_

Kouichi: So, back at the station, all of jail cells are being cleaned, thus making arresting a lot more challenging. Challenging because we have no place to actually take them. But I think I've found a way around it.

* * *

*****"Alright you damn convict! Don't try anything funny!" Kouichi yells at the blind convict across the table from him. Him and Kouichi were at the latter's favorite diner. "Okay, here's your bacon and eggs." Says his waiter cheerfully, making Kouichi put his index finger to his lips. "He thinks he's in a jail cell..It's a long story.."He whispers. The waiter nods her head, before taking her leave, not saying anything else.

Kouichi looks at his watch as he hears familiar footsteps coming towards him, thankful that he can at least hear out of his right ear. "You're late, Takuya..." He watches as the taller boy sat next to the convict, throwing a phone book on the table. "Hey, is 'stripper' spelled with 1 P or 2?"

"Shh!" He points at the man sitting next to Takuya, "he thinks he's in a jail cell.." He says in a hushed voice.

"Ohhh." Takuya nods his head, understanding. "Be quiet in there, convict!"

"Just wait until you meet your cellmate!"

Kouji walks up to them."What the fuck are you guys doing?" Kouji asks. He's the only one wearing his casual clothes. Kouichi and Takuya both quickly shoosh him. "He thinks he's in an actual jail." Takuya whispers, mouth curling into a smile. "Ah," Kouji takes a seat on the right side of Kouichi, putting his bag under the table by his feet.

"Keep it DOWN in there, convict!" Takuya starts again.

"Nobody leaves this jail alive!" Kouichi adds in.

"I'LL COME IN THERE WITH MY GUN, AND BLAST YOUR FUCKING EAR OFF!"

Kouichi looks at Kouji, "Dude. Not cool."

"Sorry...Eh? You've ordered already?"

"Yeah, since both of you two were late..Sorry." Kouichi shrugs, picking up his fork.

"Excuse me, Waitress?" Takuya tries to get the attention of one of the waitresses, but all of them ignored him. He grumbles under his breath, "One would think they would have more respect for us." Kouichi shrugs, "They're nice to me.." He says before taking a bite of his food. Takuya gives him a small glare, "That's because one of the waitress's has a crush on you.." Kouji, not paying any sort of attention to their conversation, turns his attention towards the blind convict. He leans over the table, snapping his fingers in front of his ears out of curiosity. Nothing. He then gently touches the man's arm, and the arm jerked away from him. Kouji only stared before sitting all the way back in his seat.

"I think he's fucking deaf."

"_What?_" Takuya looks at the man in question.

"He's. Deaf."

"Seriously?" Kouichi asks before snapping his fingers to the side of the man's face. The convict only looked straight ahead, like nothing happened. "Holy shit," Kouichi groans.

"We've been yelling at some blind and deaf druggie for 5 minutes." Kouji facepalms.

"Hey, Kouji? Is 'Stripper' spelled with 1 P or 2?" Takuya asks, opening the phone book that has been sitting on his side of the table up.

"Two P's," Kouji replies while eying Kouichi's food hungrily. "Why?"

"I want to get on Lt. Makino's good side."

"By hiring him a _stripper_?" Kouji stares in disbelief.

Takuya nods his head proudly, "Good idea, huh?"

"Well, that's one way to get yourself fired." Kouichi says, taking another bite.

"No. It's a way to get me_ promoted_!"

"I don't think it's up to Makino to promote or fire people." Kouji points out, resting his head on the cold table. "If all goes well with that plan of yours, the best thing that could happen is that Makino will be less of a dick to you."

"How about you guys help pitch in for the stripper, and he'll be less of a dick to all of us?" Takuya offers.

"I want no part in this," Kouji says, closing his eyes like he's about to go to sleep.

"Don't get me involved," Kouichi says, staring out the window.

"...Hey, Kouji. How many T's are in 'Prostitute'?"

"You're kidding. Are you_ that_ desperate?" Kouji looks at him, chin still on the table. Takuya shrugs at him. "Just by hiring a prostitute could get you fired alone, and maybe even arrested."

"You better stick with a stripper. Prostitutes are much more expensive."

Kouji raises his head up"Kouichi, judging from that tone of voice it sounds like you know a lot about prostitutes.."

"I arrest prostitutes all the time. You wouldn't believe the stuff I've learned about that type of business." Kouichi explains, a hint of excitement in his voice.

"I think that's my cue to leave." Kouji says, standing up. "Oh, by the way there are three T's in 'Prostitute'" He grabs his bag before rushing out of the restaurant.

* * *

_Tokyo, Japan_

_On call - Suspicion of Prostitution  
_

_November 29rd_

Takuya: Kouichi, how come you always tag along with us? Not that I mind, but what happened to your own partner?

Kouichi: He 'divorced' me. Now he works alone. Told me I was a bad luck charm..

Kouji: Wonder why he thinks that?

Kouichi: _WHAT?_

Kouji: *Sigh*

Takuya: Well, wasn't he also promoted or something? Maybe it has something to do wit-Whoa.

Kouji: What? *Looks outside the driver window*

Takuya: She's perfect!

Kouji: And she matches the description perfectly. That must be her..

Takuya: Lt. Makino will love her. Gentlemen, I think we've found our girl.

Kouji and Kouichi: What..?

* * *

Takuya slams the door shut, as he walks over to the sidewalk. "Let me do the talking you guys," He states before making his way towards the street corner where a young female figure stood. Kouji stares in amazement, "He's out of his mind!"

The twins quickly follow, both staring in awe while doing so. Takuya grins, before he taps the shoulder of the prostitute. She turns around to face him, her blonde hair moving as she does. "Oh hey.._you_..?"

"Zoe-chan! Missed me?"

"Aha..Well of course.." Zoe quickly nods her head, starting to feel uncomfortable. "Did you need something, Mr. Officer?" She says cutely.

"Zoe-chan, I think we both know what I want." He says suggestively. Zoe looks past Takuya for a moment, to greet the two police officers behind him. "Hey, Kouichi!"

"Hey, Zoe." Kouichi gives her a small wave.

"Haven't seen you in a while. Have you started that small business you've been talking about yet?"

"Ah, sadly no. Hopefully by the end of next year if I've saved up enough money.."

"Oh my! What happened to your ear?" She asks, the pretty teal eyes of hers goes wide.

"Shot off, no biggie.." Kouji then nudges Kouichi, "Quit acting so casual!" He reminds quietly.

Takuya grabs Zoe's shoulders, forcing her to look at him. She shrugs him off though, "Don't touch me. Pay me first."

Kouji stares at her and Takuya in disgust, he can't believe that he's actually letting Takuya do this. "Luckily for you three, the Thanksgiving special is still going on, and will end on December 1st." Zoe starts to explain, a small modest smile rose on her face.

The three stare at the smaller figure, amazed.

"30% off. Not bad, huh?" She continues.

"Zoe-chan. Remember that time I arrested you?" Takuya asks.

"No."

"Remember how you kept on begging me to let you go? And you said that If I let you go, I'd get the 'Paradise Package' for free?"

"Did I really say that?" She crosses her arms, not completely sure if she should trust him.

"Mmhm. You were on some type of drug at the time, which is why you don't remember."

"Ah, sounds like me! But this only applies to you, your friends will still have to pay."

"I want no part in this!" Kouji yells.

* * *

Kouji: I hate you so much. *Slams car door closed*

Takuya: *Grins* The best part was that I wasn't promised the 'Paradise Package' it was the 'Sweetheart's Sugar'...She wasn't even on drugs!

Kouji: I think I got 3 different types of STDs just by looking at her.

Takuya: She really is a nice girl though. She's helping Kouichi plan his business..

Kouji: Yeah. She seems like a nice girl, once you look past all the glitter.

Zoe: Remember, it's all about quality, not quantity!

Kouichi: Got it!

Kouji: Kouichi, get in the car! Please!

* * *

Next time on: **Tokyo 911**

Takuya: ..And the party will be at Kouji's apartment!

Kouji: You sonvuabitch.

* * *

*Part of this scene is based on an actual episode of RENO911.

Please R&R this stupid, stupid crack fanfiction. :I

Ah, poor Zoe. It was hard to try to keep her in character and make her a bit whoreish at the same time..Which ended in this result.


End file.
